I made it to the family home in Bay View, MI where all kinds of mixed feelings come flooding back. It’s good to get away from the daily grind to a place I have so much respect for with so much family history, but there’s lots of heaviness attached to this place from what’s happened to our family in the last couple of years. I hope it’ll lighten up before I have to head home. I just miss my dad and grandpa soooooo damn much it hurts and it’s hard to think that this might be my grandma’s last time visiting this place that’s been in her family all her life. I hope I get to spend some quality time with just her and I — she’s an amazing woman, even after the stroke, that’s for sure. Everything has changed and it all seems to be negative. Will things ever look up? Most of the time I’m not convinced — life seems to just keep getting harder and plans almost always seem to change for the worse. This whole trip definitely fits into the good but hard category. I am so grateful for having such an amazing family although it makes the losses even more devastating.
Why do certain things in life have to be so damn hard for some of us and other people seem to have it so easy and get everything they want out of life? I’m definitely questioning my belief in karma and any kind of positive higher power. If there was some positive force out there, being a good, productive member of society and treating other people with respect and love should make our lives better, but that’s just not the case. Nice guys really do finish last.
Sorry for being so negative, but the timing of the last couple years has really sucked and the timing of this month hasn’t been ideal at all. I still get the fleeting idea that I need to run away and start a totally different life somewhere totally different to get away from all the sadness and hurt and disappointment in my life and in the lives of the people I care about. What’s the point of the human condition? If it’s the pain and suffering we go through, is it really worth it?
This is my first attempt at being a blogger -- I'm not so good at reading or writing and still have to sound out the big words, but hopefully I can find some interesting things to talk about. Let me know if you have any suggestions for topics and I'll see what I can do.
